moments of time

things are not fair… it’s just not.

Kahit ano gawin ko, sabihin ko parepareho pa rin ang labas… It’s like I’m not even there. Kahit ano rason mo sa mga sinasabi mo, wala naman nakakaintindi. Parang kabila ng langit ang feelings ng isang paguusap sa wall. Ang tigas niya nothing you can say make any difference. Pero eto na, andito na, ano pa ba magagawa ko kung hindi na lang magdasal na hindi sana ganto ito habang buhay. Sana may ubot rami ng saya sa para makalimutan ang lungkot. Sana malakas ang loob ko na “Oo” na lang lahat, kahit masakit sa kalooban. Diyos ko paano na ba ito???

It’s not over…
its still inside of me…
all that you used to say…
I’m still trying to push it all away…
but it seems the end was just the begining…
to think of you all the time…
to want to the one you called your love again…
the thoughts of you continue to pours in…
I avoid it as much as I can…
as your pictures still hangs…
close by…
it’s the last thing I see…
and the first thing, when I awake…
I took it down before…
but I put it up again…
I think my heart is messing with me…
you is what it all wants to see…
seeing the days of us…
now is just a memories in the past…
sad everyday becomes sadder…
as much as I want it…
to be…
It’s still not over.

The memories we made is lingering through my inner soul

Our shadows emerges and is now taking a tol

Of the great times spend with each other

As we take upon this world together

The laughter, the tears, and the smiles

Its farther than any length of miles

It came to disappeared all of a sudden

And I’m now left to be forgotten

Its sad..

And I feel so bad

As the sadness appears in each fall of my tears

My heart aches for longing to be again near

Wishing to share more joyous times

With the boundaries without crossing the set lines

But the feeling has changed

Fingers are pointing to each other with blame

Our eyes is now used to speak to one another

As our mind nightly routine fills with wonder

If I’m allowed I want to take in all the said faults

Just so we can take back all we had, even if it’s default

For every moment I share with you

Is a lasting treasure of a relationship that is true

There is no other else I would want

But to continue what we have already begun

For the memories creates happy endings

For you being in my life is a part of my fulfilling.

- Us

Monalisa M.

02/03/07

So I just recetly edited my profile right???… like yesterday Jan 31, 07… and when I opened my friendster today, Feb 01, 2007… I saw that I have 308 views to my profile… Now I don’t even have that much of friends… so I wonder, within 24 hours who the heck views my profile, that much… and to top it off… my profile is friends only… so make you wonder, doesn’t it…

Hmmmm… perhaps I have an admirer or to creep me out… a stalker maybe… hehehe

That’s funny though.. how can you look at a private profile… you can’t even see the whole page… and you know what just because of this … I think I will keep my profile to what it is now… "Private"… HAHAHA!!!

iNgat kayo!!!

*muah*

……………………. \m/………………………

†††.ateh mOna. †††

Marriage to me is more than just a relationship it’s more of a lifetime decision…

All of us are expected to be in a marriage since we were born into this world… Some even, our parents started planning this event from the moment we learned how to walk, at least I know mine are…

It’s an important moment of our lives the day we walked down the aisle and to promise our commitment to that special person.  Me, being the way I am… Many asked why, until these days I continue to not be in a committed relationship to someone…. It’s simply an answer that … I haven’t found the right person, and the one who will see me as nothing more and nothing less, than who I really am, and who would be suit to be a best mate for the rest of my life…  my Aunt once told me that when it comes to love, and marriage, we have to used 50% of our mind and 50% of our heart… so with many relationship I’d had I’ve only used all my heart… and until this day I still haven’t found him.

I think for myself that even if I am 26 years old, I don’t necessary expected to be married… I mean, yeah there said things that "I’m getting older", but I think mostly I haven’t really found that someone that I’m willing to spend the rest of my life with… and not to be bias about the relationships I’ve had in the past, it’s just many haven’t really made an impact for me to jump into marriage… I had a four year relationship with an individual, yet I couldn’t see myself marrying him… So why did I stick around in that relationship???…. Simply to learn more about decisions, choices, and relationship it self… Funny, many of my family as well as friends thought for a while, that we were married… NO!!! I chose not to be, at least not with him.

I love the marriage rules in the Philippines, even though many don’t follow it… Back in the Philippines, once you choose to be married with someone, no matter what happened throughout the years, YOU HAVE TO STICK TO THE MARRIAGE… No divorce, no time off… you choose to be with that person when you married them… you’ll be with them for the rest of your life…. It’s supposed to be like that, to all marriage, but here in the states, you’re free to divorced who you promised "Until death do us part", you gave your word that you promised to stick with that person until death do you apart, in front of your family, your friends, and mostly to God… Yet a year or so later, you’re filling for a divorce???  What happened to the promised you made???  Yes freedom of choice, I agree with that… But come on, when you bound yourself to love someone, and take them to marriage, at least get to know who you’re willing to spend the rest of your time is… and not just jumped to the gun of marriage… A friend of mine told me before "Marrying someone is like buying a car, you have to test drive it first to buy it."… That has stucked on me forever… and I’ve decided to keep that rule…

If I take forever to find that someone… Then forever it will be… I’m not going to settle myself for someone, who will only love me now… I’m worth more than just now…  I refused to commit myself for a lifetime to someone, if I do not mean it.

And if it happens that I find someone through internet to love them enough that would lead me to marrying them, so be it.… It’s my choice and no one else… so don’t prejudge something because it seems to be unnatural to your eyes… I’m not in a hurry…. If someone is meant to be mine, we will find each other one way or the other…

Marriage is a lifetime… not a year.  As long as God is on my side, I will never be alone.